The so called "what if"

What if my suspicions are true? Could it result to total devastation on my part? Could I handle the biggest revelation as to with my real situation right now? What am I going to do after learning it? Will It end up me committing the most mortal sin a man could ever have, SUICIDE?
I really don’t know what to think nor do. I was on my faithful conviction awhile ago that whatever happens I will only believe that this is only part of God’s test on my faith on him. That everything will just pass and I’ll become stronger the next time the same problem comes my way. My mind wants to think that way but my heart is beating otherwise. I am afraid, terrified, worried and bothered that I might not take this lightly. I don’t know myself this much that I can’t anticipate my reaction might be.
Sometimes I wonder why I am so helpless in times like this. I thought I am tough. I thought I can handle everything. And I am so wrong.

Acceptance.....

Wondering what matters most to others depends on the intensity on how they accept the things that has been going on in their journey.
As you pick the broken pieces of your life back to your control, you will then realized that nothing in this world can be as easy as you can ever imagine.. Everything has to be out of hand before you learn that only accepting that you couldn’t be as powerful as the one who has created you.

“RED BOX”

Bored, agitated, drained, depressed and all other feelings a hopeless creature could ever felt rolled into one RED-ALARMING box. This is where others keep themselves just to escape the things other might think about them, judge them with how things become just because they thought everything should be blame into them. Imagine what can else can you do with life after that. I know the feeling.. “I’ve been there”. But I know the BIG question is How I survived? It’s not easy but everything has to start from YOU and GOD altogether. Those 3-letter words should work hand in hand.. YOU cannot do it alone nor GOD can do anything about it if the other is not willing. If you’ll just keep yourself into that box for a longer time, you’ll never know what can happen to those people outside the box that keeps on pushing you to get out of it. It could be worse than you could ever think.
Be thankful instead that somehow you had experienced that stuff others are not privileged to have. Look and focus to every positive opportunities to explore the world outside that dreadful box. Don’t limit yourself to those things you believe can only be worthy of your time. Learn that you cannot please each person around you nor expect to get something back. Love yourself the way others might take you for granted.
It might take months or even years to heal every gash others have caused you but it will only take less than a minute to talk to JESUS and entrust HIM every grudges you have been carrying. Most of the time HE sends someone to tell you that He understands you and He’ll always be there for you. You just have to open your mind and heart to it.
Consider those people that keep on reminding you that life outside that box is too much better than what you think is good for you by hiding and running away with the problem. Life doesn’t end with that. It’s not your fault if after giving all of you and received nothing but heartaches in return. These are all part of a life-long series of tests and proof that we’re still remembered.
Go on and live!

“POOR-SIDED” WORLD

Why there are people keep on surviving into their world? A world with things only imaginary people can see. A very cynical and obviously dubious surrounding their mind has created. I too had one before with a reason that I want to be different with the rest. Being unusual is cool. But everything has to end. It’s not easy all the time. It’s very hard not to be understood especially when you want someone to know and to share what you have stored in there. I was like a volcano waiting to explode the miraculous lava out of my mouth but the timing isn’t right yet.

frozen...

today.. everything has frozen.. literally frozen.. got a slipped disk.. it's a medical condition wherein i got a terrible pain in my lower back.. i can't stand nor sit.. i have to have a complete bed rest for less than a week.. i got to take some anti-inflammatory medicines just for the pain.. my movement is totally screwed up.. i'm not so into it.. to a total garbage.. i'm always on my own, never ask for anybody's help..

Incongruity...

Something about me..

I’m weird.. I find absolute happiness on things beyond ordinary.. my mind seems to function at its full potential when I’m in a moving vehicle.. it might because my brain enjoys the thought that it’s been hitting hard metal around it.. HUH!? Isn’t cool!?

When I had something in my mind, I tried to write it down straight away coz the juices might leak out of my creepy head at once.. Good thing I had my mobile phone, I got to keep my thoughts remembered wherever I am..

Exceptional.. can I mull over myself as one?

A bit of everything, that’s all I am now.. but nonetheless I still got nothing concrete today.. In spite of everything, I’m still not too proud of myself.. I feel empty..

Thoughts, life and future are muddled up.. I’m pretty messed up.